What is home? “My favorite definition is “a safe
place,” a place where one is free from attack, a
place where one experiences secure relationships
and warmth. It’s a place where people share
and understand each other. Its relationships are
nurturing. The people in it do not need to be
perfect; instead, they need to be honest, loving,
supportive, recognizing a common humanity that
makes all of us vulnerable.” – Says Gladys M.
Hunt
In fact, a healthy, happy and harmonious home
environment begins with the marital love
between husband and wife and their commitment
to each other. This relationship of caring and
sharing communicates perfect love to their
children. However, such a relationship does not
naturally emerge. People are not born as good
spouses (husband or wife). So they have to mold
themselves that way only through hard work,
self-sacrifice, patience, and service of each other
and other family members.
When a husband and wife have disharmony
at any level – physical, mental or emotional
plane - it creates a gap in their relationship. This
difference or the weakness tends to produce ill-
consequences extending to the children in the
home. Children are very sensitive and delicate.
They get easily affected by any situation - whether
good or bad. The behavior of their parents also
affects them deeply. Their improper behavior
and quarrelsome nature may even threaten the
childhood of their little ones, which gets lost in
this detrimental environment. The antipathy and
discord of the parents give rise to feelings of
insecurity and fear in children. This leads to lack
of confidence and even weakens their educational
proficiency. A childhood devoid of love of their
parents moves towards bad company and then it
becomes difficult to bring it back from there.
The more the parents have harmony in the marriage
and natural love for each other, the more they
satiate their child’s senses with the confidence of
a nurturing world. The desire for love is more in
childhood. The child is attracted more towards
one who gives him love and affection. Kids of
those families are more natural, balanced and
courteous, where the atmosphere is happy and
full of love and affection. The physical, mental
and emotional development of children brought
up in such an environment occurs rapidly. They
are good in studies, interested in sports and
behave well with others. The child’s personality
begins to develop in such a healthy environment.
Learning the affectionate, sophisticated and
courteous behavior from their parents, even they
begin to behave in the same way as they grow up.
The little ones are most adversely affected
by the rude behaviour of parents, their daily
fights, arguments, indisposition and antipathy.
They have their own problems. They want to
know about their study and various other things
related to their daily life. They have immense
inquisitiveness and it should not be suppressed.
However, the mutual differences of the parents
are so much that they do not even talk to each
other properly. In this tensed state of mind who
would attempt to resolve the curiosity of the
child? Who will answer their questions and solve
their problems? In this situation, children cannot
express their feelings. They do not say anything
as they fear of being beaten up or scolded. Thus,
they remain silent and eventually, become prone
to frustrations.
The derogatory behavior of the parents embroils
the children into perplexity. Sometimes, the ill
consequences of their fights are borne by their
innocent children. They get beating without
any reason and this makes them scared and
insecure. In such an atmosphere, they begin to
feel suffocated and want to get away from this
tense atmosphere. Various surveys show that
many of the children run away from their homes
only because of the discord between the parents
and they either fall into bad company or become
victims of criminal elements.
Such a touching incident occurred in a school of
Salt Lake region of Calcutta. One of the students
of the school expressed her pain in an essay titled,
‘My family’. In this essay, she wrote- ‘My father
is really wicked. He always teases my mother.
When he gets very angry, he throws whatever
comes in his hand to beat my mother. Whenever
he beats her, I get scared and crouch into the
corner of the room. At night, my mother holds
me and cries, even I cry with her. When my father
sees us crying, he curses us even more. No one
understands our pain, we weep and share our pain
with each other’. She even wrote that when she
will grow up she will take her mother far away
from her father and will never let him know about
their location.
The pain of small children could move even the
heartless people, yet the psychologically sick
parents remain unconcerned and apathetic. There
is a similar incident in which a 9th class student
of a metropolitan city left her home because of
the fights of her parents. This 14 year old kid
went to live in an orphanage. She took this step
because at her house, her parents fought every day
for some reason or the other. When the quarrel
intensified, they started hitting each other and
even her. She said that since childhood she had
only seen her parents quarrelling and had never
seen them talking lovingly. She told that she was
very depressed and will never return back.
Numerous such incidents are revealing the
mentality of the parents of today. Familial
disharmony is distorting the personality of the
children, their thoughts are becoming destructive,
their hopes are shattering and their minds are
getting overshadowed by insecurity and fear.
This sort of behaviour of the parents is giving
rise to violent nature even in children. Children
learn from the adults and begin to behave in the
same way as the elders do. So, they themselves
get involved in fights, causing great commotion.
They either begin considering themselves
responsible for every wrong thing or develop the
habit of putting the blame on others.
A research was conducted at the Wisconsin
Medical University to study the behaviour of
children and their parents. It revealed that tension,
depression and inferiority complex could be
clearly seen in the nature of the children who have
grown up in unstable families. According to one
study, the rudeness in the conversation of parents
may be understood even by a ten-month old
baby. It further showed that healthy development
of children may be impeded by many reasons
including the dejection of their parents, their
mutual discord and humiliating behaviour. Due
to this, the children lag behind in studies, their
memory weakens and they cannot concentrate on
anything for long, while their ability to learn also
decreases. This adversely affects their talents and
ultimately, they become frustrated.
Parents should certainly be careful to nurture the
innocence of the little guest, whom they have
brought into this world. They should ensure
that his flower-like childhood is nurtured and
protected. Children are innocent and pure and
therefore, they are considered as the gift of God.
They should nurture and not hurt their delicate
sentiments so that on growing up they could
become sensitive human beings and feel the joy
and pain of others. They should infuse noble
thoughts and ideals in their children, so that they
may lead a worthwhile and fulfilling life.
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