Marriage is the supreme yagya of human life.
Two souls merge together abandoning their
separate identities; and this merger generates a
new united power of a couple. Marriage-yagya
is performed in the sacred ambience of invoked
divinity, the presence of relatives and friends
and in the proximity of yagya – fire (as a divine
witness) so that the couple remains loyal to
each other for the whole life. The occasion for
this pledge of a life-long bond by the bride and
bridegroom should be filled with sacred and
spiritual emotions. Auspicious events should be
performed in an auspicious atmosphere.
Unfortunately, today in India, the shape of
wedding ceremony has been distorted. What
remains is the dance-music, hoo-ha, fireworks,
eat, drink and merry in the name of marriage.
Lakhs of rupees are unnecessarily wasted in
band baaja, DJ, tents, marriage hall, catering,
and so on. Above this, the bride’s side has to
sacrifice their entire hard earned money in dowry,
arranging costly welcome of barat, gifts, etc. The
bridegroom’s side too has to spend a lot in buying
jewelry for the bride, costly costumes (normally
useless after the event), and a variety of items
to show off. Thus this ceremony brings loss to
both the sides; and the prime objective of the
ceremony is not achieved.
There are several countries across the globe.
Wedding ceremonies are performed in all of them
according to the local customs, but nowhere such
a hulla-gulla and pomp and show of the event is
made as if the sky has to be raised over the head.
Like a family festival, few relatives and friends
gather on the occasion. With the exchange of
greetings and gifts after the event and a small tea-
party, the ceremony is over in one to two hours.
Only that much money is spent as required in any
other family festival. This is prudence.
The revelry in wedding events seems to be
neither useful nor necessary on the touchstone
of thoughtfulness. The boy and the girl have to
settle down as married couple. The relatives and
friends have to be present as witness to the event.
What may be the purpose of creating Dhamaal
on this occasion?
Unfortunately, these days Indian weddings have
become veritable showpieces; the auspicious
ceremony has become an ostentatious event to
show off wealth. That may be fine if the parties
concerned are from the affluent class. But what
about others (say middle class or the poor) who
want to emulate such things? They too want to be
the entertainers in their daughters’ weddings even
if they have to take huge loans.
What is the solution? Well, present-day youth
(boys and girls) can always insist on simple
weddings, even when there is pressure from the
parents and the community which, at times, may
be hard to bear.
Numerous castes, sections and areas of the
society are inundated by the predicament of
backwardness, mainly due to social evils. Their
wrong beliefs prevent them from breathing in
the open air, visualizing the sun with open eyes.
They are away from the radiance of the new
knowledge. Their lives can be illuminated only
by the efforts of the youth. This is because when
wisdom is used to make changes in the prevalent
belief system, then it also requires sincere efforts
and diligence. Once they begin to take bold steps,
possibilities would begin to become the realities.
The only need is to begin. Subsequently, there
would be many to follow and eventually, there
would be substantial social changes.
Such a brave step was taken by a young girl of
Haryana. She came forward to break the traditions
of dowry and wasteful expenditure in wedding.
In her village Chandeni, a well-educated married
woman was elected the village chairperson.
She got the support of the rural people and
won uncontested. Soon after taking charge, she
decided to make efforts for removing various
social evils. Her marriage was also done without
dowry and continuing the trend. Her constructive
steps showed the impact in the marriage of the
Grewal couple of her village. The groom Mukesh
decided that his wedding would be a simple
affair. There was no pomp, yet the presence of
the villagers was in sufficient numbers. The
village head Mamta personally tried to make the
event a success. She appealed to the villagers to
be present at the occasion and bless the couple.
Instead of expensive gifts, the couple was given
cardamom, basil and the sacred Ganga water. The
way in which the village head Mamta and young
Mukesh prevented the wastage of thousands of
rupees was commendable.
Similarly, the courage of a 21-year old girl of
Pondicherry astonished everyone present at
her wedding, when she refused to marry the
boy greedy for dowry and left the ceremony in
between. This bold step shocked the groom and
his relatives. His father began demanding dowry
after the wedding ceremony began. The bride’s
family showed incapacity to fulfil the demand
immediately and began begging that they will
fulfil it later on, after the marriage. Somehow,
this news reached the bride.
The young girl had firm determination. As
soon as she came to know about the maligned
intentions of the groom’s side, she clarified that
she cannot accept such a relation. She explained
that the relations made on the basis of money
only become the medium of sorrow and pain.
Consequently, the groom and his relatives
returned, but one of the youths present there,
was impressed by the firmness of the girl.
Sharing his sentiments with the family of
the bride, he said that if the girl was ready,
he could marry her then and there without
any dowry. Both, the girl and the boy, with
the permission of their families, got married
without the exchange of dowry and showed
that this distorted tradition could not spoil their
precious life. The parents of the girl are proud
of their determined daughter, while the boy’s
family is proud of their courageous son, who
held the hand of the girl in such an adverse
time.
The youth of Nilambar village of Malappuram
district of Kerala have come up with a new
idea to oppose this social evil. They have
launched a website through which marriages are
solemnized without dowry. This initiative earned
wide appreciation and has become a source of
inspiration for the boys and girls, who support
the idea of marriage without dowry. Till
now, many such young boys and girls have
been registered on the website. This is not
only limited to the youth of Kerala, but even
those of other states as well. All of them are
trying to turn it into a nationwide movement.
For success this movement are required such
valiant, prudent and determined youth, who
can raise their voice against this distorted
tradition of dowry.
Revered Gurudev, Pt. Shriram Sharma Acharya
has cautioned that expensive marriages make us
poor and dishonest. However, until and unless the
youth understand this and resolve to eliminate
it, this social evil would persist in the society and
a huge amount of money would be wasted in
weddings for useless show-off. In order to bring
about a social transformation, the tradition of dowry
should be completely uprooted. For doing this, we
call upon the sensitive and courageous youth to
come forward and present themselves as examples.
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