All World
Gayatri Pariwar

A boat that is lightly loaded can easily cross the stream but if it is heavily loaded, its chances of sinking, upon being struck by a big wave or hitting against a rock, increase substantially. It is difficult for someone who carries a burden, to go a long distance or climb very high but one who is empty handed can easily cover a long distance and reach great heights. Everyone longs for a chance to live a light-hearted life because only that brings cheerfulness and gives a chance to think about uplifting oneself.

A large family is a persistent obligation that calls for a continuous major expense. Upbringing a child and making him self-sufficient entails an expense of about several lakhs of rupees on an average, which includes expenses on education, health, recreation, marriage etc. One does not realize it because this expense gets included in the systematic, day-to-day expenses. But, if a record is maintained of the expenses and the time spent on bringing up the child is also appropriately accounted for, then this estimate will not seem to be an exaggeration. Giving birth to a child is therefore equivalent to piling up a loan of nearly a million rupees that one has to forcibly keep paying back till the body permits.

The more the number of children one has produced the greater the amount of loan that gets piled on. It is the kind of loan that can never be written off and where no moderation is possible. It has to be paid back under any circumstances even if that compels one to adopt means that are unethical and disgraceful.

And, the story doesn't end there. Driven by excessive attachment towards their children, people also wish to leave behind a huge fortune as patrimony. What is earned through fair means is often found insufficient for this. The only alternative available is to resort to cheating and using unfair means. It is the only way to fulfil this wish to a certain extent.

One gets loaded with as much burden as the number of children one has produced. Bearing this cumbersome liability squeezes one's body and mind completely. One gets so swamped with the load of earning and bringing up the family that, even if one desires, there is no possibility left of thinking of one's own welfare and personality development. There are many actions that need to be taken for improving health, enhancing knowledge, conducting charity and stepping towards eminence. But unfortunately, one fails to take any. The invaluable life is lost in the cycle of breeding and satiating hunger. The saying that “one enters this world with the hands full (tight fists) but leaves with begging hands” literally proves true in the case of such people. This happens because the tensions and responsibilities of a large family are so overwhelming that even if one wishes, it is impossible to take steps towards improving the present and building a better future. One is forced to live in a (self-created) state of helplessness.

The parents, who give the gift of life and take all the pains in making their children self-sufficient, deserve to be paid back their due. It is a duty to serve one's parents. But, it does not justify that only for their sake one should give birth to children and put the complete life at stake. Every child demands the best for living and recreation.

Every child also needs higher education, suitable marriage, appropriate sum of money for livelihood etc. If affording all this for the child is beyond means, then what sort of courtesy is it to invite such a guest and not accord him the right welcome? For the parents who cannot raise money for appropriate upbringing of their children, it is only pertinent that they should neither become the culprit of bringing up deficient and unkempt children nor become subject of dissatisfaction and ridicule. From the very beginning such children feel that they were brought into this world but no justice was done to them. They are never satisfied with the little bit that the parents are able to arrange for them and always long for more. Parents are unable to arrange for more and consequently both the parties grow dissatisfied. Sometimes it manifests into revolts. Children run away from their homes, land in bad company and learn bad habits. Not only is the children's future ruined, the parents also cannot escape defamation. Unkempt children neither respect their parents nor follow any discipline. This leads to major chaos in the family and directly or indirectly augments negativity in the society as well.

Along with raising children, father has an additional load of the responsibility to earn money. Mother has to dissolve her own body for the child as the embryo grows by cutting into her own body. During childbirth, the mother suffers an agony greater than a major surgery. Breast-feeding squeezes out her body juices. In such a case, the mother is neither able to keep good health nor maintain her beauty. There is no time of the day or night, left for her own comfort. The result is that giving birth to one child after another takes its toll on her. Morbidity and many symptoms of illness inundate her. Father pays the price of this unnecessary breeding of children in the form of economic difficulties and the mother pays for it by losing her health.

Here breeding of children is dubbed as unnecessary because the prevalent conditions in the world (esp. in the developing countries like India) are such that load of even a single additional child cannot be borne. The production capacity of the Earth is limited. It can raise crop only in limited quantities and that can feed only a limited population. Uncontrollably increased population will have to die of hunger, become victims of malnutrition or suffer from distress due to weakness. In spite of all efforts, solutions to problems in the areas of education, health, traffic, transport, livelihood, housing etc. are not forthcoming. They continue to grow more complex. When new arrangements are made, the consumers increase manifold and all the plans of progress come a cropper. If poverty and illiteracy are not brought under control, the country will remain unsteady. The dream of making it a developed nation cannot be realized until the rapid growth of population is curbed. In absence of proper resources for development, increasing number of people in the society would have disdainful and inferior personalities. In such a situation, how can one hope for the country or the society to progress?

Unbridled sex desires and not paying heed to its consequences results in unwarranted breeding. Lust makes one forget the need for maintaining a right balance and forces one to behave like a fanatic. Atonement for this mistake leaves the parents with no opportunity to even think of their own development. Such parents not only drain out their vital energies, but also increase the load on this earth and produce unkempt children who are born out of such wretched circumstance.

It has to be termed the folly of the wise that man can only see so far as satisfaction of his sexual desires but fails to see that he is constructing a sinful future for himself and a bleak future for his descendants. Bizarre ideas like producing children for carrying on one's lineage, for performing one's last rites or preparing support for old age etc, only occur to those who live far from reality.

The purpose of marriage is for husband and wife to become partners in each other's progress. Progress has many dimensions. One person alone does not get opportunities to make progress in each and every dimension. There is very little that is taught in schools today that can help in such multi-dimensional progress. One has to continue to work on it all life. There are many tasks like promotion of true knowledge, skill development in arts, social service etc. that need to be carried out through out one's life.
Running a family is like running a small kingdom. Family is a foundry to mould talent. It is a mine that yields human gems. But, this becomes possible only when multiple individuals together focus on all activities of the family, give complete attention, continuously monitor any lapses made by any member of the family and work out its remedies.

Enjoy Loving the Children — An Altruist Way:

The talented individuals in the family must get the opportunity of providing necessary inspiration and guidance and make right arrangements that are necessary for progress of others in the family and the society. But they must be fully devoted to this cause. And, that is possible only if they do not have children of their own because otherwise they get busy caring and making arrangements for their own children. With their own children to look after, they start expecting others to extend them a helping hand. Under such circumstances, how can a parent ignore his own duty and start committing his time, effort and attention to others? And, if that is not possible then it is hopeless to expect that the society could be made independent, developed and cultured. If man favours producing his own children over the responsibility of making arrangements for society’s or at least his family members’ ascent then it surely is a folly of the wise. It reflects indifference towards those who could have proven capable of contributing towards development.

Having one's own kids is not necessarily the only way to contribute to the glory of the ‘family institution’. This can be better accomplished by loving and nursing children of other parents who lack resources to raise them. One’s own children become demanding and consider it their right to get all possible comforts but if children of other needy parents are nursed and educated then all those parents will remain grateful all their lives. This beneficence will not only boost self-confidence but also encourage cooperation from acquaintances. The benevolent are always respected and they earn favours that provide them greater recognition, respect and opportunities.

Sometimes, one’s own children land in the wrong company and step in the wrong direction owing to excessive pampering. Upon growing up such children can be a real liability on their parents. Thus, selfishness and attachment towards only one’s own children can prove to be counter-productive. On the other hand, if money, time and affection were to be showered upon the children of other parents, then the results of that charity would always be beneficial. Difficulty can arise only if children of other parents are adopted with the purpose of succession. If without adopting, one owns up the responsibility of educating them, uplifting them, as part of social welfare, then it would be considered the highest service for the nation. The wise need to ensure that they do not burden their spouses with children and make them disabled, helpless and a burden. Instead, they should support their spouses to become and remain capable of serving and helping others.