All World
Gayatri Pariwar

Many people respond saying "I don’t know why my mind is so upset these days" when asked about their well-being. They get angry with minor issues. They feel wounded in their heart. Though they do feign to laugh occasionally but they harbor burning volcanoes of anger and resentment within. Renowned psychologist Maurice Fredman observes that these symptoms are indications of some unhealed wounds of unforgiveness in the depths of their psyches. 

These wounds frequently manifest as pains, anxiety, tension and tears. Dr. J. D. Frank, a noted psychologist has experimented extensively on this subject. He has published the conclusions of his experiments in the book titled ‘Hidden Mind A Forgotten Chapter of Our Life’. He mentions that there is a sort of a knot (wound) in the mind due to someone’s bad behavior, which we cannot forget and forgive. Incidents of negligence, scorn or insults by others bring pain to our hearts. 

This sometimes bursts out as anger and at other times the person suffers by feelings of helplessness and resentment. This pain and suffering breaks the mind into pieces. Japanese physician K. Kurokava explains that disturbances of mind gradually manifest as ailments of the body. His research shows that increased and deep mental tensions take the form of physical maladies. Recent findings of Kurokava and his associate Yoshiyuki Kago reveal that people who entertain and nourish negative traits like deception, jealousy, hatred, revenge, etc. are prone to high blood pressure, hypertension and the resultant diseases of the heart and kidneys. 

The negative feelings not only fill the mind with suffering and restlessness but the body also gets burnt out. Research of Kurakova and Yoshiyuki show that those who readily forgive others are comparatively less prone to diseases related to blood pressure. This means that if we follow the maxim of forgive and forget we can qualitatively change our lives for the better. If we could forgive the malicious behavior of others we can fill our lives with peace and happiness. Forgiveness is a sign of greatness and magnanimity. Saint poet Rahim says:

          Kshama Badana Ko Cahiye, Chotana Ko Utpaat | 

Great are those who forgive. Those who create disturbances and exhibit bad behavior are small and will remain small. Greatness and Divinity of Lord Vishnu has not become less due to being kicked by Maharshi Bhrigu. Scientific research shows that forgiveness not only reveals our greatness but also positively affects our health. Research findings mention that if by chance a forgiving person gets hypertension related diseases these can be easily controlled, and that forgiving or not forgiving is directly related to high blood pressure.

This means that if you have a forgiving nature you will be rarely prone to high blood pressure. How to forgive? This is a difficult and unanswered question. If any rational person wants to forgive anybody's bad behavior the memories of hurt feelings make it well-nigh impossible to do so. Modern psychologists are familiar with this mental state and they have devised techniques, which may be helpful in coming out of such mental grooves. First step in this sequence is Be honest towards oneself. 

Do not denigrate the person you are not able to forgive. May be he is not as guilty as you make him out to be. No need to avoid him. Be neutral, be free from prejudices and think objectively. In this process of objective observation whatever feelings come in your consciousness let them come out naturally. Slowly your mind will get unburdened of these feelings of hurt. Second step in this self-cleansing process is strange but effective. Take a piece of paper and write down all conflicting feelings about the concerned person. Do it not once but many times. Psychologists call it mental cleansing Mind will slowly get lighter. 

There is another method of writing on paper. According to this, write on the paper that you have forgiven a particular person. Write it not once but many times. Thus the anger will subside and after some time you will feel better. Third step is Positive Analysis. Do not just think about your own self. Put yourself in another person’s position and then analyze. 

Try to understand other person’s point of view. Possibly your own reaction could be wrong. Understanding other person’s point of view makes self-analysis easier. The aim is to understand that others are not wrong to the extent you believe them to be; may be you are over-reacting. Then they can be easily forgiven and the mind be easily calmed.

To conclude, we give below what G. G. Jampolsky, an eminent Psychotherapist, in his article titled Peace has said about the art of forgiveness:

"In order to experience peace instead of conflict it is necessary to shift our perception. Instead of seeing others as attacking us, we can see them as fearful. We are always expressing either love, or fear. Fear is really a call for help and, therefore, a request for love. It is apparent, then, that to experience peace we must recognize that we do have a choice in determining what we perceive. Our misperception can only be undone NOW, and this is possible only through the process of ‘letting go’ whatever we think other people may have done to us, or whatever we may think we did to them. Through this process of selective forgetting we are free to embrace a present without the encumbrances of re-enacting our past misperceptions. As inner peace is recognized as our single goal, forgiveness becomes our single function. When we accept both our function and goal, we also find that listening to our inner intuitive voice as the source for direction becomes our only guide to fulfillment. We are released as we release others from the prison of our distorted and illusory perception, and join with them in the unity of love."